The universal truth is that every human regardless of age, culture, race, and gender, losing someone or leaving this world ourselves is one of the only things we will all know.
Last year, my dad unexpectedly transitioned alone in his house. My family and I hadn’t heard from him for two days (which wasn’t unusual) until I had planned for him and my sister to come over and help me build furniture for my new apartment. He wasn’t answering the phone (again not unusual for him) so my sister went over to his place and saw what was going on.
To her dismay, she found him alone on his bedroom floor lifeless. It was an unsettling stormy day when I got a rushed text “Come here now ” knowing that something was not right. As I was driving over I knew that nothing would happen, the universe would not allow anything to happen after having an extremely hard childhood, and the last couple of years the universe would not let my dad leave me and my sister behind. I just knew that it couldn’t be the case. I mean I just lost my best friend not too long ago and I am still trying to heal from the loss, the universe would not allow me to have to grieve anymore right? I mean, it’s only so much trauma one person can have to overcome, that would make the most sense.
You know in the movies where the main character gets some life-changing news and the camera blurs out all the background noise and there is a high-pitched ringing? Well, from personal experience that is the most accurate description of how I felt seeing my sister with two paramedics crying hysterically in his kitchen. I didn’t want to believe it when I walked in that I needed verbal confirmation from the paramedics that it was true that he was no longer here on Earth.
Quick background: My parents did not have a good marriage and my mother has mental disorders that complicated the relationship with her children. Despite my complex relationship with my dad, he was the parent who would help us because our mother could not. He was the parent we talked to because our mother could not. He was the parent who helped us when we needed him because our mother would not. My sister and I grew up in a pretty unorthodox household where our parents were more like roommates and because of their marriage and relationship, they could not be there for us in the way we needed as children in this world. It was as if my parents didn’t realize they had brought children into this world. Despite my dad’s unorthodox parenting style, he was the parent who would be there in the end when it was absolutely needed because our mother wouldn’t.
So when I heard the news that my dad was no longer here, not only was I overcome with grief, I knew what this would mean for the future of my life. I did not have another guardian to take his place, to help in the grieving process, and to be there for me when I needed it. While my dad was here despite his availability I would not open up to him like I could, but in the back of my mind, I at least knew he was there. Once you realize your security, protection, and guardian are taken from you in this hard world you live in, it changes you.
I remember when my mom was called not being able to be comforted by the woman who gave birth to you and the only parent you have left. Instead of being ignored during this extremely difficult time.
Now I have lost people before in my life of only 20 years and yet no one prepares you to grieve your parents at any age. So this loss was different. But not entirely.
I had my “spiritual awakening” 4 years ago when I was in a bad place and started asking questions as to why. Why are we here? Why do some have more and some have less? Why does it seem like the “evil” people have a better life and those who are genuine struggle? Nothing made sense to me so I researched those questions
Now before I go on I want it to be known that these are MY beliefs and my purpose is not to convert your thinking, but rather share my story and what I believe in to possibly open others’ minds and help others in their grief
I learned about spirituality and how we are not physical beings who just happen to be here, but rather spiritual beings living a physical 3D reality who truly never die. We are not the body, but instead, the consciousness that inhabits the body and comes down to Earth to learn and live out lessons, and everything that happens was either planned or serves a greater purpose.
Now I know what you’re thinking “Why the f*** would I choose this life”? I ask myself that question every single day. But our higher selves (spiritual selves) chose this path. I know this is a hard concept to grasp with the crazy messed-up things that have happened to us. But with my upbringing and trauma, it makes me feel better knowing that I chose these lessons and it just wasn’t random in the major unfortunate events in my life and that pain serves me a higher purpose.
On this Earth, our body serves us as a vessel to experience the 3D physical reality. Think of a remote and batteries. The remote is there to serve the purpose of turning on and off the TV, but without the batteries it’s useless it has no function. Our bodies are remote, but it’s the soul (batteries) that make us who we are. Think about it. Our physical bodies are still here after we are considered dead, but it is the soul that no longer is here to keep us functioning. If we were just our bodies our bodies would be gone too. We do not die but rather go to another dimension that only those who have crossed know and that we have known.
I am so grateful that I discovered these truths 4 years before my father’s transition. I don’t know what I would do if I truly believed that this was it. That we are here and gone and nothing comes after this. That I will never see my loved ones again. Especially to those I couldn’t say goodbye to. There have been signs from the other dimension that I believe in my heart is my dad.
Know that life is precious and those who have passed lived their life and we will eventually see them again. Don’t ever take your life for granted and do what you want to do here because time is limited and we all have a clock. It is up to you to live the life you want. No one else. Take those calculated risks. Knowing that my dad can help me and is with me more than he ever was in this reality keeps me sane. I know that I am protected more than ever and he sees things from a much much bigger picture.
The other side is closer than you think and more real than you ever know. Talk out loud to your lost loved ones, ask for signs/advice and they will eventually come. Trust your intuition and don’t second guess. Eventually, it will be our turn and we will be on the other side waiting for our loved ones to reach out.